"So much pain and darkness that we go through and so much work to do i dont know how i will get through, but when i get im going...there be only happy, and i will love and have no fears."

         A true love to his wife, and amazing grandad..... and my uncle Roy Davis. A man so strong that being a weak he was didn't want to live a burden to his family and right there he planned his own funeral.... he's gonna walk with his father and he will be home. 2 a.m. Sunday morning he leaned over and said that he wanted to go home, Bren leaned over and told him that he was home."no, i wanna go home" as he pointed to the sky. He's finnaly were he was going. And flying with anymore health problems. You may ask why God would put so much pain so quickly on one good man. Why would God give him extra time on this earth. 25 years earlier he was very ill but he was given 25 years, and now he is gone and i ask God for one wish.... Let me be like him. Let me love my wife as he did. Let me do anything and everything for my family. Let me live long let me love unconditionally. Let me be a friend to my children, do all in my will to make everone happy. I want to love without fear. A man layed in a casket in the church and i knew there laid a man that lived life and had No Reserves No Retreats and No Regreats. He loved even a great nephew. Evertime i would see him he would ask the same question..... when does baseball start... he loved baseball...... he love watching one of his kids play. I have had dreams about a day that i want to happen more than anything in the world. I want to be able to play baseball and be able to make him happy. My parents will always be proud of me but i want him to know that he will be in my heart. I had a dream that i hit my first home run and uncle roy had died, but aunt janet was a the game and even before i had touch first base i began to cry and i made it around the bases and had gotten the ball back began to write something on it, didn't know what but. I just walked out of the dugout and walked out of the fence. Noone else knew what i was doing but i finnaly did. And what i had written was Lee Bailey 1st Home Run........ To Roy Davis. What life do you have to live to make that bid of an impact. Today has been rough on a lot of people but it takes until he is truly gone that you realize that a great man has left the world, and for once you knew how much he meant to you... to bad it came to late. It was his life that touched me the most, not what he did for me, but the days when no one was looking at the things that he did but he still loved and lived. It will be his life that gets me up sometimes, it was the impact on his family that causes me to realize of where i am and where i want to be. I know now that i will doubt myself sometimes but i know now that one mans life can bring hope back to mine. Dreams will come true, and i will not forget the dream.  

"This is where they fought the battle of Gettysburg. Fifty thousand men died right here on this field, fighting the same fight that we are still fighting among ourselves today. This green field right here, painted red, bubblin' with the blood of young boys. Smoke and hot lead pouring right through their bodies. Listen to their souls, men. I killed my brother with malice in my heart. Hatred destroyed my family. You listen, and you take a lesson from the dead. If we don't come together right now on this hallowed ground, we too will be destroyed, just like they were. I don't care if you like each other of not, but you will respect each other. And maybe . . . I don't know, maybe we'll learn to play this game like men."

Remember The Titans

 Icame to coach basketball players, and you became students. 
I came to teach boys, and you became men.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadiquit.... Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure, it is or light not our darkness that most frightens us.... Your playing small does not serve the world, there is nothing lightened about shrinking so that other people wont feel insucure around you..... We are all meant to shine as children do..... it is not in some of us, but in everyone, and as we let our own light shine we unconsiously give other people permission to do the same, as we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates other......Sir, i just want to say thank you.... you saved my life." 

Coach Carter

Ray, people will come Ray. They'll come to Iowa for reasons they can't even fathom. They'll turn up your driveway not knowing for sure why they're doing it. They'll arrive at your door as innocent as children, longing for the past. Of course, we won't mind if you look around, you'll say. It's only $20 per person. They'll pass over the money without even thinking about it: for it is money they have and peace they lack. And they'll walk out to the bleachers; sit in shirtsleeves on a perfect afternoon. They'll find they have reserved seats somewhere along one of the baselines, where they sat when they were children and cheered their heroes. And they'll watch the game and it'll be as if they dipped themselves in magic waters. The memories will be so thick they'll have to brush them away from their faces. People will come Ray. The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game: it's a part of our past, Ray. It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again. Oh... people will come Ray. People will most definitely come.

Field of Dreams

Currently Listening Read My Mind By Reba Mcentire What Do You Say see related

What do you say in a moment like this. When you cant find the words to tell it like it is. Just close you eyes and let you heart lead the. Oh what do you say.

Sometimes we never really know what to say in hard times, never know what to do. What do we say in our own lives to make us feel better......... to help us go through the hard times that we feel will never end. Then again, what do they say to you. What can someone do for you to help you through. But sometimes it is not what you say but there your there to try to help. Yeah i know sometime i dont have all the right answers but who does. Have you ever thought that maybe there isn't an answer for every single problem in life. What do you say to someone to make them see that they are something better than they see themselves as. What do you say to show someone that everything is going to be okay. But you dont know if everything is okay, all you know is that you try. At times have you ever thought, maybe they call you they talk to you..... They aren't expecting you to know the answers but they call you cause they know you care. I know there are many times that we all have or will be put in a position that you and only you will be able to comfort someone. I know i have, and when that time came i knew that i wanted to be there for them, but also i knew that i wouldn't be able to know what i should say. But do you think that really matters to them. All they see is instead of holding it all in, they had someone that was there to hear there pain. Im not going into it, but by far that was a day, well about two days that will always be on my mind. Cause i had to see something that someone should never have to see and something someone never should have to go throught. And then the next day i had the chance to comfort someone, and for once i stood up to what i have always been afraid of. For my whole life i have been to one funeral and i thank God for it, but i had many others that i really could have gone to, but i have always been scared to go. Not because i would cry, but someone my need me there to help them through a hard time in there lives, and that scared me. Till this day, i still get kinda squirmy when ever im around someone that cries, and till this day i am still worried that there might be something that makes Shey cry, and i am the one there when that happens. What do you say in a moment like that, when you dont know what they are really going through, so you dont know the exact thing they need to hear. Have you ever thought maybe because your there, everything is okay. Just because you listening, they feel like you are making it so much easier.

I know i will not have the right words to say at sometimes. Im not expecting to, cause sometimes it is better when we say nothing at all. Cause just sometimes the voice of the one you love can make everything better. It can make you forget about the things you cant do anymore, and make you see what you still have, and make you see without them you would not be as happy as you were. If you didn't have them, who would there for them. Who would help them when they fall in life. If they didn't have you, who you would be there for them. Without you, who would be there for me, when im down, when im worring about the things that go on in my life. Even though when i get like this it seems like an hour conversation that has 5 minuets worth of words. But if you dont have someone there for you who will be. If i didn't have you, who would i turn to.

Hello Everybody, long time no see. Yeah well the computer has been down and i just now got to use my moms laptop. So sorry Shey i still cant go on the IM thing but anyways. So much on my mind, so many happy thoughts, so many bad thoughts that are just killing me. I dont even know where to start.

Im so happy now, I have just been so much throught the like last two weeks. I cant talk about it, dont want to talk about it. I dont need to think about it. But just nothing good going on right now, but one thing, and if you dont know what that one thing is. Well im not telling cause im just not in the mood right now. Okay venting time, I just got a couple of emails of someone else venting, you know that they dont mean to make you upset by what they write, but you cant help it. Just Im so happy, but yeah then you get me start thinking about loseing the only thing that makes me happy. I know im to far in, i know im getting in to deep, but its the only thing that keeps me from falling. Falling back to were i was. I dont know i know i will email you, yeah yeah im talking to you on this but yeah.

But well this was a useless a entry but im alive bye bye

Currently Listening Rascal Flatts By Rascal Flatts See me Through see related

Its strange when i turn on my launch cast yahoo thingy ma bob. And it place rascall flatts comes on, and they are singing See me Through. And its funny cause that song is how i feel right now. Afraid of losing something, our someone that you love. I know im not perfect..... who is? But my worse enemy is me. I have always been hard on myself, even when i was "alone". Its just seems that now its harder cause i feel so happy, but im pressuring myself twice as hard to be "perfect" cause i know that is the only thing that will make me feel happy, and the only thing to make me stop worrying about trying not show the hopeless side of me. I have never been happier cause all i want is you. While your around, i never think about every thing else. I just dround out the dark. Cause all i see is you. But when your not around i wonder, and i worry. Just the feeling like i have let myself down just makes me so sad, angry..... upset.... hopeless. I know that im crazy, i know im screwed up......... i try so hard to make myself happy, but i have only found one thing, but i spend half my time worrying that im going to lose you. And unlike yall.... yall have fears, about death, fears about many simple things, like spiders, and snakes. But what about the mental fears, i know that all the ones that i have said are mental, but what about the fears that arent about physical things. Are you scared about screwing up, being embarresed. Or how about my worse fear of all....... The fear of someone giving up on you. Even wores the one that you love, giving up on you. That is my worse fear. Sometimes my family is right there helping me through this, then other times they think im crazy and turn there shoulders. To me that feeling just makes me breakdown, makes me give up on myself..... makes me want to just give up. I hate the feeling that the ones that you count on being there for you, just told you that you were hopeless and that they didn't care anymore. That is what goes through my mind everyday. I go through times where nothing could go wrong and i am so happy. Now im going through a time where i can stand for anyone to be around me. Cause im afraid, of what they think about me, what the see in me..... Why do they even like me. But now i have someone that is there for me...... well i think is there for me...... i dont know...... but i know that i would be in a whole worse shape than i am without them, cause they make me happy when there around. But then once there gone i go back to thinking about how they have no business even liking me..... how can someone like you when you dont like you. Im trying so hard, i know im better. I stumble at times, worry to much overanylize things. But i never want to have the people that i love to give up on me. I dont want my parents to give up on me, there one of the only hopes that ive got..... and i dont want Shey to give up on me cause she doesn't know how much she just gets me through, and then i wonder why she is with me...... Im all that she wants....... She's all i want.

I know sometime i am going to let you down.... Im just getting used to having you around. I know im not perfect.... but just a little time is all im asking for. I never want you to give up on me, but i dont want you to feel bad about being with me. I just ask that you give me time to work things out with myself. Please just see me through...... This broken heart has gone so far to be with you. Just see me through. See me through this mask i wear cause im almost there, you know i care. I know i am the man you always thought you knew. Just see me through, till i see the man i want me to be. I told you i would be hard to handle but i just dont want it to be hard on you.........i love you......see me through.

To everybody else sorry about the whole entry thing up there some know about my whole ordeal some dont, i just never talked about it even though i have wanted to. I guess nobody really cares to know about things that go on in peoples life, it just is nice to know that someone cares every once in a while. I know im not the best friend to all of you and i know i dont listen but you be surprise how much i would if i knew. I try so hard to get people to like me. i guess its the hopeless side of me that im worried about. But sorry about that, just got to let things out sometimes.

Love to all. Love to all....... Love to you

Lee